you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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