He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
