after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
