the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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