i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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