Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize