I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
