I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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