I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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