Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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