Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
