It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
