I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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