We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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