Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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