i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
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At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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