does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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