it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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