What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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