I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
