He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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