I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
