Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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