come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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