Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Holy sore nipples Batman
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
