The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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