Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
