u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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