he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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