I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
