If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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