Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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