now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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