Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.