I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
