the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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