Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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