bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
