i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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