I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
