before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
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One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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