Sponge bath it is.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
