so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
