Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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