and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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