My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize