i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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