hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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