does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
