I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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