They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
