He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He better not be in your backpack
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
