I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
