well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
