My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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