So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The ass gains better be worth it
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