She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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