But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my poor anus
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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