I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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